Sorry...

What has being in the ER taught me?

Never do something that stupid again.

Especially when you're alone.

At one point, I feared I wouldn't be able to call 911 when my hands began to stiffen and go numb.

I feared too much, which made it all worse.

However... i've always wondered what it'd be like to ride in an ambulance... guess I know now...

So never again. And the pain! Stupid.

Stupid pain that didn't need to be, all because of my stupidity.

Worried my husband for no reason... especially when he's in a combat zone.

Mom rushed 8 hours to get to the hospital. So was it really necessary for me to do that? No.

Such an inconvenience.

Never again. I promise. I learned my lesson.

I promise.

14

Bearing

Courage

Decisiveness

Dependability

Endurance

Enthusiasm

Initiative

Integrity

Judgement

Justice

Knowledge

Loyalty

Tact

Unselfishess

"J.J. D.I.D. T.I.E. B.U.C.K.L.E."

The 14 Leadership traits. He has them all, and more. The person who makes me smile just by a single thought. Sometimes it's an object or a word or a video clip or something I saw on t.v. that causes a smile, because somehow it reminded me of him.

Damn, how I miss him. Everything about him. Now I know it's possible to love someone more everyday when you believed you couldn't love any harder.

He makes me want to be a better person, and though that sounds cliché it is all truth.

We stress but in good ways for the right things because we don't have normal problems. Even if at some point we do, we remember what we've been through and how much we mean to each other, and we fight harder.

We fight everyday- but not between us.

Between us, in the literal sense, are oceans and vast lands, thousands of miles of empty space. Between us, in the other sense... nothing.

Through the toughest trials we've ran.

Through the storms we've found higher ground.

Through our time together, we've learned how to fight.

Not just fight, but Win.

And we will win.

Because we have to.

Half of my heart is in Afghanistan.

I love you and I can't wait until you're back home where you belong.

I love you

can barely see

i shouldnt... i cant... please no... i dont want to do it anymore... only for happiness. but i keep failing. it feels like im just wondering around always searching for what? i dont know... a neon sign flashing to tell me i found it? doesnt it suck. i always do this, you would think i learned... everyones different... maybe i dont take things so seriously afraid if i do that i'll get too attached and then it'll be ripped away from me... i learned to detach myself long before... it comes natural...? oh dammit its too late.mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake someone shoot me before i make any more... how amazing it is how much words can truly hurt someone even if just read... ive no idea what im thinking i can barely see the screen as it is through the... no sleep tonight. no respect held anymore for me... idk im flailing words around which can be dangerous... its true... im not a good person...i try to be but it just bites me back... idk how to react sometimes or what to say or do... oh man ignore me im just a stupid girl full of emotions here, not a surprise there.

remember

the song by justin nozuka: save him

Marching into Madness and Springing into Serenity

Finally, the dull days of winter are becoming suppressed by spring's impatient entrance.  I guess when you live in a place where the sun is mostly dominant, you tend to miss it when the gray takes over.  Yet i wont mind the summer storms or the lightning fights between the clouds.  In my opinion though, there should be more distinctive seasons instead of them meshing together so if there were no months to go by, you would actually know or guess pretty close to what season you are currently in.  Do i think california is going to be my permanent residence?  I sort of hope not.  I've lived here my whole life, i want something different, something exciting....  

However!  My heart has experienced some changes and to clear things up, they are very good and exciting changes.  It would be wearisome to write down all the reasons why, but some call it love.  true love? yes.  fierce love? definitely.  loyal love?  yes what else!  

It's amazing how your world can look so different in the eyes of love.  Smiles are precious, laughs are always welcomed, and love is sacred.  

So march is nearing it's dreary end to make way for an impatient spring that is already pushing heats up to almost 80 degrees.  Time for tanning by the pool!  Smoothies, walks, shorts, water balloons, and much much  more!  (sounds like a commercial to me...)

Anyways, i am very excited to see what spring will bring us... april... hmm we'll see about that month.  Shall be interesting right?  The biggest motivation is seeing my sweetheart for our 2nd month anniversary ^_^  

Yes i'm all giddy but what do you expect?  I have the most amazing person in the world how can i not be happy!  I love him, he loves me... anything else? oh there's much more but like i said, it's too much to write.  

welcome spring